If you’re ready to explore strap-on play but aren’t sure where to start, you’re in the right place. Whether it’s for pegging, queer intimacy, gender affirmation, or just adding variety to your sex life, choosing your first strap-on can feel a little overwhelming — but it doesn’t have to be.
This guide is here to help you pick the right gear for your body, comfort level, and pleasure goals. Let’s make your first strap-on experience exciting, not intimidating.
What Is a Strap-On?
A strap-on is a wearable harness that holds a dildo or penetrative toy. It allows the wearer to simulate penetrative sex — either vaginally or anally — and can be used by people of all genders and orientations.
Strap-ons are used for:
Pegging (anal penetration of someone with a penis)
Queer sex between partners of any gender
Role reversal, gender exploration, or power play
Fun, versatile penetration without relying on a biological penis
What to Consider When Picking Your First Strap-On
1. Choose the Right Harness
The harness is what keeps everything in place. Your comfort and control start here.
Types of Harnesses:
Jock-Style: Two leg straps with an open back — secure and breathable.
Brief-Style:Like underwear with a built-in O-ring. Comfortable and discreet.
Thong-Style: Minimal coverage, good for aesthetics but less support.
Adjustable Strap Harness: Customisable to fit different body types and sizes.
Beginner tip:Go for an adjustable harness with wide straps. It offers support and lets you experiment with fit.
2. Pick a Dildo That Works for You
Your first dildo doesn’t need to be huge or fancy. Comfort is key.
Look For:
Smaller Size:4-6 inches in length, 1–1.5 inches in width is perfect for first-timers.
Silicone Material: Body-safe, non-porous, easy to clean, and compatible with most harnesses.
Flared Base:Essential for stability and harness compatibility.
You can always size up later once you’re more comfortable. Some harness kits even come with multiple sizes or attachment options.
3. Decide If You Want Vibration or Not
Some strap-ons have built-in vibrators or remote control features. While it’s not necessary for beginners, it can add pleasure for both the wearer and the receiving partner.
If you’re just learning the basics of strap-on play, you might want to start without vibration and upgrade later.
4. Think About Who Will Be Wearing It
Are you wearing it? Is your partner? Will you switch roles? Choose a harness and dildo combination that fits the anatomy and comfort levels of the person wearing it.
For example:
A harness with internal stimulation may appeal to someone with a vulva. If you're using it for pegging, a smaller, smoother dildo might help ease the receiving partner into the experience.
5. Starter Kits: Yay or Nay?
Strap-on kits can be great for beginners. They usually include:
A basic harness
One or two dildos
Sometimes a vibrating bullet or additional accessories
They’re affordable, user-friendly, and take out the guesswork. Just check the material quality before buying — opt for kits with silicone toys and adjustable harnesses.
Bonus Tips for First-Timers
Use plenty of lube. (Water-based is great with silicone toys!)
Practice wearing the harness alone to get a feel for movement.
Start slow — both in speed and depth of penetration.
Communicate constantly with your partner about what feels good or doesn’t.
Clean your toys with warm water and a mild soap or toy cleaner after use.
Final Thoughts: Confidence Is Sexy
Choosing your first strap-on isn’t about picking the fanciest or biggest toy — it’s about finding what makes you feel confident, curious, and comfortable.
Start with a setup that feels manageable, and grow from there. Your first strap-on experience should be fun, empowering, and full of communication — not pressure or performance.
Ready to shop?Check our strap-ons and more.
